First Time
by Yami no Tsuki
Summary: Conan has never had bacon before. Kaito takes the opportunity to annoy him. Ran disapproves. /oneshot, complete/ (For Luna)


First Time

Okay, okay, Miss 'I don't write, I'm not a writer' is writing, yeah, I know. This is for the Beikan Bacon Challenge, which Luna Darkside nominated me for. Therefore, I am dedicating this fic to her, as she is also my favourite fanfic writer (rivalled by Cennis, but Cennis probably doesn't have enough material to win. Just writing that is superior to ALL.)

I won't nominate anyone, but I will say that this was actually real fun- and here I thought challenges weren't my thing.

This isn't necessarily KaiShin, but it depends on how you decide to read it. Also, Kaito and Shinichi know each other's secrets, and they hang out often-ish, because Kaito was introduced as knowing Conan from before he was living with the Mouris. Don't ask me how it happened, but it did, so there.

Words: 1,005

Warnings: uh... Kaito? Mildly suggestive language?

"Conan-kun! There you are. I left some breakfast for you in the microwave, sleepy-head." Ran said affectionately, as a dishevelled-looking Conan appeared in the doorway. "Really, it's after ten! Why do you need that much sleep, at your age?"

Unbeknownst to Conan's 'sister', "that much sleep" was actually about five hours. He had been solving a case Kaito had told him about, and only managed to crack it (probably- lying the dark thinking for nine hours did little towards producing evidence) a little...early, the next day.

"Do you like bacon?" Ran continued, breaking his slightly glazed stare.

"Uh... I think so?" The chibi detective replied, rather uncertainly.

Hits hesitant response sparked horror in Ran's heart, as she realised just what that could mean.

"Have you... You- you _have_ had bacon before... _right_?"

"Um. Not really."

A scandalised gasp split the air.

"Tantei-kun! I can't believe this tragedy! I knew your parents weren't the most attentive, but to neglect this necessity- even they wouldn't be that cruel!" A new voice enthusiastically chimed in.

"Oi, oi. Make your melodramatic entrance without insulting my family, Kaito." Conan replied, somehow managing to make the word 'Kaito' sound exactly like 'thief'.

"Er... Kuroba-kun, how did you get _in_ here?" Ran interjected.

"What~?" Kaito said innocently. "The door was unlocked."

He gave an angelic smile as Conan looked at him sceptically.

"I'm sure."

"Tantei-kun, your mistrust wounds me~."

"It'll be more than my mistrust doing that in a second."

"Conan-kun!" Ran scolded, making both boys jump. "It's not nice to threaten people!"

"Ah, sorry, Ran-neechan!" 'Conan-kun' sang hastily.

"Just don't do it again." She turned to address Kaito. "Kuroba-kun, why do you call him that, anyway?"

"Because he's a little detective, of course!" Kaito grinned widely and ruffled Conan's hair as the boy... growled?

Deciding to ignore that fact which definitely wasn't true, Ran brought their attention back to the task at hand. "So, how about that bacon?"

Kaito cheerfully returned to his previous rant, punctuation marks practically audible. "Oh my gosh! How could I have forgotten about such a momentous event! This is a first for Tantei-kun, a milestone in every boy's life! What sort of friend am I, to leave such a crisis unaddressed?"

"Kaito. It's a piece of bacon. I'm just going to eat it."

"It's not just a piece of bacon! You've never done this before! What if you don't like it? What if you like it too much, and waste your youth, having your life revolve solely around bacon?" He gasped dramatically. "What if something goes wrong, and you get put off bacon _forever_?!"

The sixteen-turned-seven year old levelled him with an _are_ you fucking kidding me stare.

"What? As your best make friend, it's my responsibility to ensure that your first time goes well." Kaito sniffed defensively.

Ran, who had been gaping for most of the conversation, seemed to recover, and pinned Kaito with an outraged look that would have promised a solid whack, had his name been Shinichi.

"Kuroba-kun! What are you implying in front of a small child?!"

Conan frowned at the that comment, but was annoyingly unable to object.

Kaito on the other hand, seemed unfazed. "Mouri-chan, lighten up! I'm just trying to make dear Tantei-kun's first time a pleasurable experience~!"

God, Shinichi wished he could break out his stun-watch in front of Ran. And maybe a couple of footballs, just to be safe. And whose idea was it to forbid seven year olds from drinking coffee, anyway? At a reasonable energy level, it took at least a minute longer for him to want to attack Kaito.

"Can I please just try the bacon? I haven't eaten yet today, you know."

"Ooh, aren't we eager~?" Kaito said, waggling his eyebrows at Conan. Unfortunately, this meant he broke away from his stating contest with Ran (amused vs. death glare), prompting her to slap her hands over Conan's ears in an effort to protect his 'innocent mind'. Why she let him run around crime scenes solving murders if she was this overprotective, he wasn't sure, but he figured innuendos must be more traumatic than dismembered corpses on her scale. Huh.

Conan succeeded in shaking her off and glaring Kaito into submission (well, not really, but it was the thought that counted), finally managing to get near his food. He ignored Kaito's helpful comments ("careful, don't take it too fast~!" "You may be ready, but is the bacon ready as well? It doesn't need more time to cook~?" "Are you sure you've made the right prepa- ouch! Mouri-chan!") and slowly took a bite of bacon. Chewed. Swallowed. Spared a moment to be amused at Kaito's rapt expression. Then gave his verdict.

"It's okay."

Unfortunately, this broke some sort of dam, and Kaito's exuberant and annoying chatter started up again. "Okay?! What does that mean? Good? Bad? Was it not good enough? You should do it again! I'll cook the bacon this time, then you can can try it again and it will be wonderful, and you won't ever be put off eating bacon because I made your first experience -that counted- such a good one~! Yes, I'll do that! Mouri-chan, fetch-"

Mouri-chan banished him from her apartment.

When she returned from slamming and locking the door and stacking several large, heavy items behind it to stop lock-pickers, she turned to her sort-of-little-brother.

"Conan-kun, I don't want you to spend time with Kuroba-kun until you're older, okay? He's a bad influence. Can you do that for me?"

Conan agreed sweetly, and skipped (metaphorically- skipping isn't manly) off to his room.

Of course, there was a phantom thief already waiting there, but at least if he was discovered, Conan would have the joy of watching him be chased out of the house by an enraged, karate-wielding Ran again.

_I guess Kaito did make my first time pleasurable, after all._


End file.
